Hey all

He's doing great, trucking around the tank moving rocks around. They're all happy! How's things?

You had to go and mention that....

lmao!

just responding to the blondie jokes...lmao

Why are men like tiles?...

Lay them good the first time.... and you can walk on them forever!!!!

Holy Crap! Hey everyone Thanks So Much for all the birthday greetings! I had an awesome time Ken is quite the Host! And then I had to get back to work this week. I just got out of the USCG CPR class to finish off my captains license, there are so many courses to take to do upgrades and such. But at least I can now breath life into someone...wish someone did that for us after kayaking...hale to the engines! I love being one with nature and all, but I'll take my power driven vessel over that anytime. Sorry it took so long for me to respond and I've been out of touch a bit, I miss chatting with you all! Thanks Again and have a great one!!! Thanks also to Ken for a great weekend!!! Connie xox

lol

Prop Guy, don't know, I don't currently live on one, my boat doesn't actually have a shower. Mines too small, but some of the boats I deliver have tubs with whirlpools in them.

Nite Ken, talk to you tomorrow!

Where's your pic?

It's surgically attached!

Yes I have been Ken...and guys feel free to join in anytime, btw this topic was about Ken and I believe we're still on topic with Ken. Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!, we're talking daily stuff, nothing personal about that. bent-out-of-shape-prop-guy, what's new with you aside from props for sale.lol

Just off shore in Hillsboro. Caught a few fish for my tank, my new addiction.

Oh like mine? hehe I'm washing down a sportfish tomorrow, not too bad in the heat.

Wow! Take it easy and drink lots of water like Bruce said!

I know! I'm not that far from you! Luckily my last few jobs have been indoors. It's nearly unbearable, but still beats the snow!!!!

lol! Staying busy with work? I hope they gave u some time off.

thppppppppp .....how do you spell check a raspberry?

lmao

Growing like a weed. Boys & I did a baby cpr class tonight, hope we never need it. She's a cutie smiling and blowing raspberries.

I'll bring down some anchor chain to finish off the lawn ornament..lol

sound like a plan Ken!

bummer!

lol... paper weight or lawn ornament?

Oh Frank just read just popping in, how's the boat now? did u make it back okay?

How's life down there? Been meaning to get back down to visit you! My last trip was too brief.

good time to clean & paint the bilge!!!

What happened??

I'm doing templates for my tanks too, hopefully my brother can get them built by Oct. Are you 100% to put them in?

It always ran, just not well. Getting the top end cleaned out, de-rusted and new fluids put in, then the new shifter cable gets ordered for installation. Been sanding the inside walls, preparing for gelcoat, and painting, etc.

That's rude Pale rider!

I'll be sailing by October....I Hope!

Weathers been great, little rain, but lots of sun and wind. Been diving every weekend, and working on the boat diligently!

Been diving every weekend, started a few new fish tanks, working my buns off. Getting my boat started. Straightened out the mast, got the decks done, now painting them, ordered parts for the engine, got prices on hauling out...My goal is to be running by October!

I see that, what's up with the spamming? Hey Bruce!

Yeah I'm still around, just can't ever get to my computer without a fight! Two teens and myspace make for a futile time on "my" computer. How's things? I see lots of new names on here...

Sold!

I have 6 acres of swamp land for sale, hurry before it's sold... or burned up, cash only. You'll be surrounded by water... on a rainy day. Nature is at your front door.... that's why we recommend to use the back door (big gators), minutes from shopping... if you have a helicopter.

Hey Ken, Hi all,

Just popped in to see what's up...WOW Glad you're okay, that's a wake up call, Hope you take care of yourself!! Makes us all stop and smell the roses a bit more and maybe consider that doctors visit we've all been putting off... Hope your life isn't altered too much though! Connie

Oh what a man would do for a Bud!

Ford - "Built ford tough" Dodge - "Ram It" Chevy - it sinks "Like a Rock "

What ever gets your goat! What ever goats you get!

Our tax dollars hard at work! GO NAVY!

who let the bass out hoo hooo hoo!

ghghggbbbbi LghghghOVggghhhE ghghghghUuuuuu. (as said through bubbles)

Hey Bruce are ya repo-ing boats now?

Ho, Ho, Holy crap my arms are tired!

Skype is awesome if you're cruising in other countries, it's like .02 cents per minute vs .99 cents with other carriers. We used it in Mexico as long as you get internet or wifi, cheap way to communicate and you can use it with sat phones.

This is your teen on drugs!.....

This one time...at band camp.....

Nipple clamps, canoes, lack of women, Geeez, I log off for a couple of days and the whole place goes to hell ! You boys need to get out more often! Now about the raffle, have you gotten approval from the big chiefs? Is the money going to something constructive or is that for beer money?

Adolescent Captain Ron...always screwing around!

That's so cool that you're raising a boat baby. I wish I started early with my boys. I tried to take them cruising when they where 8 & 13 and they wanted NO part of the boat life. So now they're 15 & 20 and I'm counting the days til the youngest is 18, than it's Bon Voyage for me, I hope they do well on land...

Are you the only boat in the whole marina?

Hey Abbys Dad, how's the weather up there? lol

He give's Rock -n- Rolling a whole new meaning....

Pardon me.....do you have any grey poupon?

Got to go...Taxes aren't going to do themselves!

Sounds like fun! Let me know when you're headed down, I'll come down to KW for a few!

lmao!!!!!!!!!!

hehehehe!

Lol no shit!

My friend works on Octopuss, nice boat!

Sabin are you stopping in Ft. Lauderdale at all?

Oh yeah, that's for the Jeep though!

Vortex V hull!

Yeah I just got my Seeeaaalebrity hat in the mail! Thanks Stacey!

Various brass fittings...cleates, steps, a life ring with mounting bracket, foul weather jacket, beef jerkey, t-shirts, a fishy belt, chamois, etc... Not the bounty I got last year, but good stuff anyway.

yup

good one Sabin!

lol

Flea market was good, not as many vendors as the past few years, but I got a few goodies for Sirena. A good time was had by all.

The weather this past weekend was awesome, today was cloudy, tomorrow should be perfect! No rain, no clouds, about 70.

Anybody notice the dude in the engine room...fixing something perhaps?

Well Ken, while you weren't looking I was signing autographs...

Heading to bed, nite all! Talk to you tomorrow!

I don't envy your job. I'm getting too old to climb trees! Then again, jumping down onto docks at low tide sucks too, and kinda dangerous..... for a granny! lol

lol! Nite all!

Gnite feel better!

Custom made for your boat?

Ameture night!

tiss tiss tiss!

Had a helper today, but she knows what she's doing, don't have time to train anyone, varnishing is like an art, you can't just learn it. You either got it or ya don't, and I can't afford to find someone that "don't". Besides I hate babysitting help.

Was it something you ate or the flu?

I like the sailboat in the bubble, can I get one of those for varnishing, I'd lay perfect varnish with that thing around the boats.

I was kidding you know!

I hear ya, this is the boat I met in Mexico, I got 1 week to varnish everything, then I have 3 boats waiting to get done before end of March, and got a new one tonight, no rush on that one, but I'll take it. When it rains it pours, so I'm getting them in now before the rainy season hits...literally!

Thanks for the flyer, I'm going to bring it to Kinkos and get copies made for the Las Olas store fronts.

Yeah I'm off to bed in ten min.

Actually just had to wait my turn. I've been working on a boat up at PGA Blve, I leave at 6am to beat traffic, and get home by 7pm so I'm in bed by 10, no play time for the sleepy!

Wow, I can't wait to go sailing!

All this talk reminds me of the movie "The Shining"....Heeeerrrreee's Johnny!

"Circ de So Lake""

Let's just say I got really drunk!

It's at Elliot Key, south end of Biscayne Bay. Just a strip of land, but no one goes ashore, it's a floating city of boats. Florida Marine Patrol (FMP) lets you raft up to six boats per raft, and you get around by dingy or floatie, kayak, what ever floats, people shoot you with water guns, music blaring everywhere, food, lots of alcohol, so you got to be careful, cause the FMP will issue tickets and arrest you if you drive drunk. We always stayed till Mon and we were sober to drive. I'll look for pics to post.

Stacey What's up with the flyers? Where can I get a copy of one? Connie

Brown, brown... run aground ?....

Now I get it!

Here kitty kitty!

It's 50 in Florida...what the F@#*!

Goodbye...cruel wooooorrrrlllllddddd!

Nite Nite!

One more then I'm off to bed. [IMG]http://i266.photobucket.com/albums/ii251/captconnie/ATT00001-2.jpg[/IMG]

Vanilla Pudding Robbery

This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2.

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank. The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a small bowl of vanilla pudding.

As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat."

The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all safes were opened.

They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding. Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit , each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach. The newspaper headline read:

IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING...

No it wasn't mine, just a name coincidence.

Best divorce letter... [IMG]http://i266.photobucket.com/albums/ii251/captconnie/divorceletter.jpg[/IMG]

What's your email for xrated stuff. I won't post it here.

New prescription.... [IMG]http://i266.photobucket.com/albums/ii251/captconnie/pic03312-1.jpg[/IMG]

Sinks for men... [IMG]http://i266.photobucket.com/albums/ii251/captconnie/sinksformen.jpg[/IMG]

After nearly 45 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening,
when the misses felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf.

Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, "Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop?"

I found the remote," he mumbled.

I have xrated jokes but they're video clips...

Yes Jeff, but wait there's more!

Jeff's going to do the Duval Crawl before he even gets there! lol

It's a long one....

GEORGE CARLIN'S NEW RULES FOR 2008 New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting. New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com ! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days --- mowing my lawn. New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Lobster? New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged . I have a better description for these kids: 'Lucky bastards.' New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keep sakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men. New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Good, we're done. New Rule:There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but, without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water. New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis. New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and One NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole. New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering My PIN number, pressing 'Enter,' verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want Cash back, and pressing 'Enter' again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy. New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you Spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to 'beef with broccoli.' The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high. New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN Recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait, they're already doing that. It's called 'The Howard Stern Show.' New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms.; If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms;, I'll go nuts and eat two. New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie. New Rule: And this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell If he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, Dude. I just want to wash my hands New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place. New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than Minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, 'Do you want fries with that?'

Just imagine admins reaction when they go through the forum tomorrow....

I'm sure he was just kidding!

So this means I can't post GEORGE CARLIN'S NEW RULES FOR 2008 ?

lmao!

Hittin the Capt & Coke pretty hard there ...ey?

Where are you going??

I'm back, you guys are sick!

[IMG]http://i266.photobucket.com/albums/ii251/captconnie/beertroubleshooting.jpg[/IMG]

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap,
why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

LMAO!!

I just think it's awesome being out on the water no matter what you're on. In here we don't judge what your ride is as long as you're enjoying your ride! Keep on paddling! I wish I had the strength to get out there on one. My arms have taken a beating over the years as a varnisher and have developed tennis elbow of all things, and it hurts like hell! So paddle for me!

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Thought you boys would enjoy these

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

[IMG]http://i266.photobucket.com/albums/ii251/captconnie/appleboobs.jpg[/IMG]

[IMG]http://i266.photobucket.com/albums/ii251/captconnie/Whateveryman_wants.jpg[/IMG]

http://s266.photobucket.com/albums/ii251/captconnie/?action=view&current=Whateveryman_wants.jpg

Q: How do you have sex with a really fat chic?

A: Roll her in flour to find the wet spot.

TEN THOUGHTS TO PONDER

Number 10 Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8 Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6 Some people are like a Slinky.....not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3 Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

Number 2 In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and People take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT TO PONDER IN 2006: We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of Illegal immigrants and Terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.

Here's another thought.....

Consider what Willie Nelson said regarding being caught recently with a bag of Marijuana: "It's a good thing I had a bag of Marijuana instead of a bag of spinach. I'd be dead by now."

The boss had to fire somebody, and  he narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack.

It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he  decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next  morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after  partying all night.    She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.    The  boss approached her and said:  "Debra, I've never done this before but  I have to lay you or Jack off."

"Could you jack off?" she says.   "I feel  like shit."

The Zipper

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus.

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched,

"How dare you touch my body ! I don! 't even know you!"

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times,

I kinda figured we was friends."

It's just us in here I think...Unless, maybe we're not alone???

You want more? I don't want to be a forum hoard.

I said I have hundreds of em...I wasn't kidding. I love good jokes I save all that are sent to me.

SIPPING VODKA A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, ' When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.'

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1)Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2)There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3)There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4)Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5)Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass

6)We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7)The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8)David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him

9)When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'

11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'take this and eat it for it is my body.' He did not say ' Eat me' .

12)The Virgin Mary is not called ' Mary with the Cherry,.

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's

Enjoy...

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring

He replies, "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you."

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a Nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a Nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic!"

"OK" the Nun says, "Pull into the next alley." The Nun fulfils his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child", said the nun, "why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Jeff and I'm going to a Halloween party."

lol

Q: Why does the new Polish navy have glass bottom boats?

A: To see the old Polish Navy.

"You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any employees."

The cannibals promised they would not.

Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. We have noticed a marked increase in the whole company's performance. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals all shook their heads, "No." After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others,

"Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?"

A hand rose hesitantly.

"You fool!" the leader continued. "For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything.........

But NOOOooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something!"

But of course, that's a silly question!

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, The California Raisins, Betty Crocker, The Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

Please rise to the occasion and pass this on to someone who may be having a crumby day and kneads it.

I'm done with that page, but if your gonna do blond jokes I have no choice but to give it back to you! lol

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman.

The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall.

They were unable to decide who would let go, until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids and for men in general, a nd was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.

As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

  A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?

  A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for
breath and calling your name?

  A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

  Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?

  A: Trustworthy.

Dear Lord,

  I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.

  AMEN

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

  "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

A couple is lying in bed. The man says,

  "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."

  The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

  A: A rumor

One for the ladies

  One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his
Sweat- shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

  "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

  He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma ."

  And they say blondes are dumb...

  Q: Why do little boys whine?

  A: They are practicing to be men.

THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD Well, it's shit ... that's right, shit!

Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language. You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit. Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola. There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit. You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan. You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle. You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in s hit. Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty. Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit. You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit. You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shits creek without a paddle. Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose. When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language. And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!!

You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or not do so if you don't give a shit!

Well, Shit, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice da y, without a bunch of shit. But, if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head...........Well, Shit Happens!!!

Your Yearly Dementia Test

It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test. Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer. OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.

1. What do you put in a toaster?

Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," give up now and do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question 2.

1. Say "silk " five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?

Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World. However, if you said "water", proceed to question 3.

1. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?

Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," why the hell are you still reading these??? If you said "glass," go on to Question 4.

1. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany.) Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany, West Germany, or no man's land"?

Answer: You don't bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop. If you said, "You don't bury survivors", proceed to the next question

1. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 pe ople get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. InSwindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on . In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?

Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!

PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!

lmao!!!! Your turn!

Two brothers, 4 and 6, are washing up before breakfst. The 6 year old says, "I think it's about time we started cussing." The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with 'hell' and you say something with 'ass'. The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios. " WHACK! he flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can just stay there until I let you out!" She the n comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios."

Welcome home Ken!

I got hundreds of them, great thred, we'll be here all night long!

Chinese Proverbs

Confucius say...

Virginity like bubble. One prick, all gone.

Man who run in front of car, get tired.

Man who run behind car, get exhausted.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways, going to Bangkok.

Baseball wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse, soon find him in cat house.

Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib, but only one screw to fill it.

Man who stand on toilet, high on pot.

Man who live in glass house, should change clothes in basement.

Man who fart in church, sit in own pew.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

Quite an analogy.....

            I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and             filled it with seed.

            Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of             the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.

            But then the birds started building nests in the boards of             the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue.

            Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile,             the chairs, the table...everywhere.

            Then some of the birds turned mean:

            They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had             fed them out of my own pocket.

            And others birds were boisterous and loud:

            They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all             hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when             it got low on food. 

            After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch             anymore.

            I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were             gone.

            I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they             had built all over the patio.

            Soon, the back yard was like it used to be...... quiet,             serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal.

            Now lets see....... our government gives out free food,             subsidized housing, free medical care, free education and             allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen.

            Then the illegal's came by the hundreds of thousands. 

            Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services; small             apartments are housing 5 families: you have to wait 6 hours             to be seen by an emergency room  doctor: your child's 2nd             grade class is behind other schools because over half the             class doesn't speak English: Corn Flakes now come in a             bilingual box; I have to press "one" to hear my bank talk to             me in English, and people waving flags other than "Old             Glory" are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding             more rights and free l i berties.

            Maybe it's time for the government to take down the bird             feeder.

You don't care for ol Chucky do you?

Taxes are coming sloowwwly. My boats old too, I don't even know if the pooper works or where it pumps into. One more tank to rip out.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Day - typo

You should attend one of our Columbus Dar Regattas, more topless women and salty donks than you care to see. It's a regular F@%#Fest in Miami... There's even a guy with a boob-o-meter, if you're boobs fill the holes you get one shot (tequila) if they fill the next size up that's 2 shots, next size up...you get the picture.

hahahahaha lmao!

Or... Brokeback boating

helloooooo

You think we're sarcastic... stick around... Ken's not here yet, when we all get together we tend to get out of control a bit...

"Blue-by-you" "Blue-by-u" "Blew-by-you" "Blew-by-u"

it aint poop;)

lmao!

A system out there..... don't know of any......got me.....

Just kidding with you, I'm sure you do your part. Just don't hug them too hard!

Got me??????

sorry couldn't resist, love kayaking!

Paddling up shits creek...priceless!

Key west huh? that's the norm down there;)lol

probably cause the pipes would have to be very large and on a boat space is a limited commodity...

air out what?

If your a/c stops blowing cold, chances are there's a plastic bag in the intake, happens all the time down here.

I like the European way, all grocery stores charge you per bag used so most people reuse their bags or bring canvas totes with them, you rarely see plastic bags floating around. I personaly try to use canvas, I, unklike Bruce am a tree hugger, have been for many years, a hippie thing I guess from my deadhead days;) lol

I use biodegradable soaps to clean, biodegradable tp for the bunghole, pick up floating debris when I come across it, fuel spill catchers when fueling up, leadfree paints for the bottom, keep a clean engine room no oil spills, participate in reef sweeps and waterway cleanups Just be aware of your surroundings, report spills, an be careful.

Good topic Alan, we should all do our part to help.

I was under the impression "fun boating" is a clothing optional sport. I say Fun boating, cause you can't git nakid on the job.

"Budweiser" Helping drunk kids have sex with whatever moves or breathes!

"Dog days of summer"

West Palm Beach. Half way point from Daytona inlet to Ft. Lauderdale Inlet, from here it's 3 hours by sea to KW (Key West)

Got to go, taxes await. Night all!

It's great if you're trolling fish out in the ocean on the way down, usually you stop in at WPB over night, then a whole day from that point to the Keys. Done it a few times on deliveries.

It's a quick plane ride from Orlando, straight to Key West, or an 8 hour drive. You guys must stop in Ft. Lauderdale if you drive!

Are you going in your sportscraft? that's a lot of fuel.

I can teach how to varnish and do proper boat maintenance;)

That's the hottest and wettest month of the year! At least here in FL.

Are you homeschooling?

uh yeahh! Isn't the water frozen around you? Or is it hauled out?

Come on down, we'll have a boatbook party!

OMG!

And you currently live on your boat?

lmao!!!

Disarono Sour, mmmm I'm having one now;)

Can you swab deck matey?

She's fiberglass and yes I have to put 2 through bolts through my bow pulpit. I'm going to seal her in clear coat matte finish.

That would be me for now til I find a little cabin boy to do the hard work;)

I just finished the dark blue boat in the background.

lol

A replica of a 1920 Scout built in 1980's

[IMG]http://i266.photobucket.com/albums/ii251/captconnie/100_4446.jpg[/IMG] My next varnish job...

Cool huh?? My boats name is Sirena, which in Italian is Mermaid

Got it...that's the bow bunny for my boat!

[IMG]http://i266.photobucket.com/albums/ii251/captconnie/100_4447.jpg[/IMG]

Shit!

http://i266.photobucket.com/albums/ii251/captconnie/100_4447.jpg

Ken what was the info to post a pic again, It won't allow me to copy & paste?

too much info...

uh huh!

lmoa!

Thats as old as the crust on your underwear!

And it's immediately after you eat it, weird, huh!

Since our conversations always seem to go way off the topic!

lmoa!

eeeewwwww!

Now Now, this is a family oriented forum, even though I've yet to read kids into it.

No wait thats Sabins idea to put the "d" in it.

I'm a mind reader, I forgot to tell you;)

They do that here when it rains.

What's that.lol No but I have a drawer full of bikinis & shorts:)

Didn't mean to rub it in...but, I don't know how you all can live in that. I've seen snow about 5 times in my life, not something I wish to live in.

"Dog-on-it"

"Win-slow"

It's over in FLorida it's about 79-80 and hot, I wish it was a bit cooler, but not what you all are going through. Stay warm!

When all else fails use a bucket!

I'm back! Shazam huh! Like you've never been boating in just shoes before?

Of course!!!

Wearing shoes!....

That's why I'm painting my teak decks, the maintenance is a killer and it's too hot.

Cute!

Pics of you dancing across your hot decks:)lol

I meant of the decks, silly!

You'll have to send pics when your done.

It's definately cheaper than real teak, and cleans easy, one of my customers has it, it looks nice, but it also gets very hot in the sun.

Sounds cheap enough, but I spoke to a rep at the IBEX show last Nov., they also charge you to send someone out to take measurments for a template, it comes in a roll and you use an epoxy adhesive to secure it to your deck. If you're real good you can send them a template and hope it fits, It's pretty cool stuff, I have a sample of it from the s